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Predicted NFL Standings for 2007: Revised We asked ourselves, "How should we present our predictions for the season?" Using Star Wars characters was the obvious answer. Actually, Star Wars is the answer to most important questions. |
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Prediction |
AFC EAST |
Star Wars Character |
Result? |
|
New England 11 - 5 |
 |
Emperor Palpatine Keeps Darth Vader (below) on a tight leash. Used to be terrifying, but now is just old and wrinkled. |
As evil as ever. |
|
New York 10 - 6 |
 |
Darth Maul The threatening apprentice. Knows what he's doing, but will still end up sliced in half at the bottom of a reactor shaft. |
Count Dooku: Wound up unable to throw the ball. |
|
Buffalo 6 - 10 |
 |
Biggs
He was right there until the end, then he blew up.
|
See the Dallas game (Week 5). |
|
Miami 5 - 11 |
 |
Jar Jar Bumbling moron. |
"The ability to speak doesn't make you intelligent." |
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Prediction |
AFC NORTH |
Star Wars Character |
Result? |
|
Baltimore 12 - 4 |
 |
The Death Star Incredible defense against a large scale attack, but has a tendency to implode. |
 Droid Control Station: Same basic idea, much less effective. |
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Pittsburgh 10 - 6 |
 |
Sebulba Wins a lot of pod races, but has been known to cheat. The shot at another title was undone by an ugly crash.
|
Fell apart at the finish line. |
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Cincinnati 10 - 6 |
 |
Crix Madine Imprisoned, but he broke out just in time to lead a major offensive. |
Super Battle Droid: Big guns, but was ripped apart by anyone competant. |
|
Cleveland 3 - 13 |
 |
Jawas They are small, brown, and constantly trading for junk. |
 Ewok: Small, brown, and moderately effective. |
|
Prediction |
AFC SOUTH |
Star Wars Character |
Result? |
|
Colts 11 - 5 |
 |
Luke Skywalker You aren't sure he is going to get it done in the end, but you can't imagine the story ending any other way. |
Cut off his hand? No problem, he'll replace it. |
|
Jaguars 10 - 6 |
 |
Salacious Crumb Sort of menacing at first glance, but easily defeated by lesser heroes. |
Gammorrean Guard: Huge and fearsome, wields an axe. |
|
Houston 6 - 10 |
 |
Bantha Slow moving herd animals who are easily mastered. |
Still at the back of the pack.
|
|
Tennessee 6 - 10 |
 |
Admiral Piett Competent leadership that is constantly failed by its underlings. |
Grand Moff Tarkin: Deserves a promotion. |
|
Prediction |
AFC WEST |
Star Wars Character |
Result? |
|
Chargers 14 - 2 |
 |
Darth Vader Very frightening, but never lived up to its incredible potential. |
 Not as good as he could have been. |
|
Denver 9 - 7 |
 |
Admiral Ackbar A brilliant strategist who always seems to fall into traps. |
Couldn't "repell firepower of that magnitude." Probably should have retreated. |
|
Kansas City 6 - 10 |
 |
Taun Taun You have to be careful because they'll let you ride them to death. |
"And I thought they smelled bad on the outside." |
|
Oakland 3 - 13 |
 |
Storm troopers They may look tough, but they aren't. |
Shows signs of life, but still folds when it counts. |
|
Prediction |
NFC EAST |
Star Wars Character |
Result? |
|
Dallas 11 - 5 |
 |
Young Obi-Wan Has talented protégées, but it all could go horribly wrong. |
Time to get a worried look and say, "That's no moon." |
|
Philadelphia 10 - 6 |
 |
Mace Windu Nearly defeated the Emperor. (Also McNabb would look badass wielding a purple lightsaber.) |
 "This party's over." |
|
New York 8 - 8 |
 |
Princess Leia Sibling of the chosen one. |
An underdeveloped talent. |
|
Washington 7 - 9 |
 |
Jabba Rich and bloated. |
Still a formidable opponent. |
|
Prediction |
NFC NORTH |
Star Wars Character |
Result? |
|
Chicago 12 - 4 |
 |
Anakin Brash and talented, but has no arm. |
Evil Anakin: Too much bad Rex. |
|
Minnesota 6 - 10 |
 |
Mon Mothma Really, really boring. |
AT-AT: Mammoth ground weapon that goes down surprisingly easy. |
|
Green Bay 6 - 10 |
 |
Yoda Green and 800 years old. |
 Dueling Yoda: Regained some former glory, but still sort of limps around. |
|
Detroit 6 - 10 |
 |
Admiral Ozzel "He is as clumsy as he is stupid." |
Same bad result despite flashes of brilliance. |
|
Prediction |
NFC SOUTH |
Star Wars Character |
Result? |
|
New Orleans 12 - 4 |
 |
Wedge His presence is nearly inexplicable, but he's going to be there in the end. |
 Porkins: Too slow on the defense. |
|
Carolina 7 - 9 |
  |
Millennium Falcon A favorite of everyone's, but may break down at exactly the wrong time. |
Refurbished, but too many old parts. |
|
Tampa Bay 3 - 13 |
  |
The Naboo Squadron Lots of pilots, none of them any good. |
 X-Wing Squadron: Found some good piloting after all. |
|
Atlanta 2 - 14 |
  |
Han Solo frozen in carbonite You couldn't be more screwed. |
"He's alive and in perfect hibernation." |
|
Prediction |
NFC WEST |
Star Wars Character |
Result? |
|
Seattle 10 - 6 |
 |
The planet Kamino Wet, rainy and wet. |
 Snow-speeder: Always in the air. Could have trouble adapting to the cold. |
|
St. Louis 9 - 7 |
 |
Kit Fisto Impressive looking warrior who is too easily defeated by the dark side. |
 Zam Wessel: Too injured to fight back. |
|
Arizona 9 - 7 |
  |
Slave Princess Leia Always the sexy pick, but ends up choking you to death. |
Everyone will love them again next year. |
|
San Francisco 6 - 10 |
 |
Bail Organa A rich lineage in formal attire. |
Noble stand at the end hurt the empire. |
