88 Reasons We Hate the New England
Patriots
1.) This picture:
2.) There's dressing casual and then there's
this:
3.) The mugging of the receivers in 2003.
4.) Rodney Harrison is a cheater who is on
steroids.
5.)
6.) They treated Vinatieri like crap.
7.) They traded for Randy Moss, thus
befouling their franchise and giving him a forum to further his gutless,
honorless career.
8.) They used up Ted Johnson and threw him out
like a bag of moldy tangerines
9.) This image haunts my dreams:
10.)
Because
grotesque gang
violence takes place in their locker room.
11.) Patriot fans are fair
weather. They are the third most important pro team in Boston.
12.) They aren’t just terrible
sportsmen who run up the score on other teams, but their fans actually
LOVE that. It’s a team led by a moral degenerate, supported by moral
degenerates.
13.) Belichick is the devil,
and Tom Brady has sold his soul.
14.) They disrespect the
game.
15.) Belichick can't even
look professional, much less
act that way.
16.) The Brady man love from
Chris Collinsworth.
17.) Bill Simmons's Ass Face:
18.) Boston fans propagated
Manning slander because they had no real evidence that Brady was better.
19.) The Tuck Game was the
result of the correct application of the single worst rule in sports.
20.) Tom Brady won the two
most undeserving Super Bowl MVP awards of all time.
21.) Junior Seau coming out of
retirement to play for them one day after a nice ceremony in his honor.
22.) Matt Cassell has yet to
start for any team since he was in high school.
23.) Silver, red, and blue? Really? Maybe
that would have been appropriate if someone named Stephán had designed
the American flag.
24.) Cold Hard Football Facts
bile-filled support.
25.) Even after three titles,
their fans are still whiny and delusional.
26.) Tom Brady’s freakish
dance after throwing a pointless TD against Washington up 38 in the
fourth quarter.
27.) The media celebration of Tom’s illegitimate kid that he’s not even man enough to be there for.
28.) The way they betrayed the very Jedi
that fought so hard to defend their Republic.
29.) They cut
almost their entire 2007 draft class, yet people still think they are a
good drafting team.
30.) Patriot Pat is ridiculous:
31.) Flying Elvis is worse:
32.) Foxborough sounds like the kind of town
where pretentious jerks would take their weekend getaways.
33.) They play in a horrible division and
get to cherry pick wins off the Dolphins and Bills, who have been inept
for what feels like a decade.
34.) They went from being the model
franchise to being the a-holes of football in the blink of an eye.
35.) Belichick single-handedly destroyed the
integrity of the injury report in the NFL.
36.) They treated Drew Bledsoe like crap
even though they were nothing before he got there.
37.) If they could have covered a kick
return, we’d still be hearing about how Brett Favre and Dan Marino are
the same player.
38.) Brady threw the pass to Troy Brown
inside instead of out (watch Brown lean out and have to adjust to the
crappy throw on the tape!), and then walked off the field screaming at
Brown like it was his fault.
39.) Drunken townies.
40.) Only Rachel Dratch could accurately
portray the women of New England:
41.) People only think Laurence Maroney is
a good back because he was drafted by New England.
42.) Three Super Bowl championships later
and they were still bitching about Bill Buckner.
43.) This idiot:
44.) Tom Brady has pet goats:
45.) They couldn’t keep their hands off
Marcus Pollard.
46.) Willie McGinest faked an injury,
changing the course of the history. He laughed about it later.
47.) Belichick stole a construction worker's
wife.
48.) Belichick looks a bit like the annoying
actor who played the dad on 7th Heaven , only manages to be
even more annoying.
49.) Tom Brady’s new Gisele-induced look.
He is taking himself so seriously, that it’s actually amusing.
50.) I can’t even have a brewsky without
thinking about the Pats.
51.) It was funny the first time they threw
a touchdown to Vrabel. Now it is just ridiculous.
52.) Seriously, who goes for it on fourth
down up 38 points in the fourth quarter?
53.) Belichick’s poor treatment of Eric
Mangini creepily reminds me of Bob Knight and Steve Alford.
54.) I can’t even watch a Celtics game
without getting irrationally angry.
55.) They ask their veterans to play with
concussions and then have the guts to ask them to re-sign for less
money.
56.) Bob Kraft seems like a huge tool.
No factual basis for this, just an impression.
57.) Marvin Harrison hates the Patriots.
That’s good enough reason for me.
58.) The defense gave up 32 points in a half
and yet the receivers are the ones to blame.
59.) The Pats alternate jerseys:
60.) Compiling this list is forcing me to
think about the Patriots leading to an unhealthy cycle of rage.
61.) I actually rooted for them once. I
wanted them to beat the Rams in the Super Bowl. I haven’t felt right
about it ever since. Thanks for letting me vent.
62.) Belichick’s stoner son, Stephen.
63.) You’re the offensive coordinator. It’s
fourth and two, with a minute to play, and you've got the perfect play
to run. Suddenly your two-way communication goes fuzzy. Those wacky
Patriots!
64.) Ben Coates made a career out of playing
the Colts.
65.) Ty Law made a career out of playing the
Colts.
66.) Tom Brady used a sports psychologist to
help him get through the anguish of being 7th on Michigan’s
depth chart. Seriously.
67.) The experts refuse to acknowledge how
horrible Belichick was in Cleveland.
68.) Tom Brady’s five layers of Visa
security. Sure they prevent fraud, but can they prevent a random kick
in the crotch?
69.) Tom Brady’s voice has two settings:
bored and confused.
70.) He ain’t exactly a genius either. This
was his take on the lead up to the Colts-Pats battle: “I’m sure this
week is going to be long, in a sense, to get to the game, but it’s going
to go fast as well.”
71.) Wes Welker looks and sounds like
someone's annoying kid brother. “Go get us some more nachos, Wesley.”
72.) Peyton Manning is friends with Tom
Brady. This is like finding out that your teacher has a second job at
the grocery store. Creepy.
73.) Tom Brady uses eye black like a hooker
uses eye shadow.
74.) Brady signs a marginally smaller
contract than Manning and the Pats fans treat him like he’s Mahatma Gandhi.
75.) The Pats front office is too cheap to
spend the money they saved.
76.)
This site makes me want to die.
77.) The players continue to play the
“Nobody respects us” card after winning 3 titles.
78.) They won 3 Super Bowls by 9 points.
Could somebody please kick a field goal!?
79.) This picture:
80.) There is nothing more boring than the
Patriots on a winning streak.
81.) Brady makes just as many ads as
Manning. It’s just that he does them for weird French products we've
never heard of.
82.) I'll give you one guess what his
favorite Western is:
83.) The "I like being a bad person" smirk:
84.) It's the 21st Century and the Patriots still have
henchmen?
85.) They also have puppet employees. You know there's
nothing in Scott Paoli's briefcase.
86.) They made us root for TO and the Dallas Cowboys.
87.) They've
driven
some people insane.
88.) Because this January we'll have to come up with another 88
reasons.
Hate them too? Write us at
18to88@gmail.com
